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LoCo

Discussion in 'Collaborative Writing' started by Steel, Jun 29, 2011.

  1. Steel

    Steel RRS CEO Staff Member

    Just want to reiterate something in a clarifying manner: Bella does NOT know who Grave is. Brandon is Grave, but it's a term that is used by the other organizations and the lower members of Big Daddy's group. She is aware of a lot more than Big Daddy thinks she is, but she is still in the dark by a great deal of things. So, play her off as ignorant, and pissed off about it.....but only when talking about the Organization.

    I understand that it's late and there will probably be a need for clarification. So, please, don't be hesitant to ask any questions about anyone's characters.
     
  2. Valkyrie

    Valkyrie Site Administrator

    With this post in the discussion thread let me know if I have missed something and that perhaps it would need some altering. I tend to continuously have issues with grammar and letting my thoughts run together and typing faster than my brain allows me to edit. So if you feel something is not expressed clearly or if I did perhaps not follow a particular charater as they are ment to be I prefer constructive critism and learning rather than not so please I like to be encouraged. In other words was my post okay lol since its like only my second one in Loco and I also admit and steel can attest I am needy but it feeds my creativity.
     
  3. Steel

    Steel RRS CEO Staff Member

    The interaction between characters was good, I like that you used the three main characters for this section (Alberto, Dax, and Bella) and left Brandon out of it, even though he is there (he is the silent guy standing in the corner, basically.) However, I would like to see a bit more attention on the characters and not talking up your own compared to another. For example, you made Alberto out to be this overly trusting person, and a drunk....but in his character sheet, everything points to the fact that he would be highly suspicious and untrusting, especially of someone who so openly shows her intentions in such a manner. But they way you portrayed him was rather stupid and insignificant, and then Dax is all intelligent and trained to be able to smell such things....but that isn't the case. Yes, Dax would be aware of some of the tactics used by mafia organizations (since her father was in one) but she was just a little girl then, so she wouldn't have any training of any kind for this sort of thing.

    Bella wouldn't have drugged anyone or anything, at least not with a wine. Remember, she is a spoiled rotten brat who is trying to get out of her father's shadow. She would not use an expensive wine to test their trust (if she would even do it that way), rather she would use a very cheap liquor, such as beer. Also, Big Daddy is trying to hide everything from Bella, including the fact that he is a part of the Organization....so drugging his daughter to build up an immunity would raise a great deal of suspicion and would defeat the purpose of hiding from her.

    Your post was good, but the characters needed to be a bit more focused and need to maintain the integrity of the character sheets. Also, please (and this goes for everyone) don't talk another character down and make yours seem as though they are what they aren't. Stay true to the character sheets or the story can NOT go forward.

    Sorry Valk, but I don't really know how else to put it. I tried to figure out a different way, and I apologize if it seems harsh, that was not my intention.
     
  4. Domino

    Domino CGO

    Yeah, and I was really tired when I posted my criticism, so I'm sorry if I also came off in a harsh light. Definitely not my intention. I always look forward to your posts, Valk, grammar and all, lol.
     
  5. Valkyrie

    Valkyrie Site Administrator

    Actually truth be told my computer is retarded and on that since it does what I tell it to I am retarded lol. Deleting my post to redo it. I know with you steel harshness come with a grain if salt never usually intended. But for me It usually doesn't phase me and if it does I will call you on it. I totally missed the last page of criticism and advice for everyone cause like I said I think I was tired when I wrote it but no worries I will get that straightened out!


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
  6. Steel

    Steel RRS CEO Staff Member

    Yeah, unfortunately, I am a naturally harsh person. But, I do apologize for it, either way. However, I do look forward to your renewed post.
     
  7. Domino

    Domino CGO

    MUUUUUUUUCH better content wise in this edit, Valk. But....GRAMMAR! PUNCTUATION! And all that good stuff that makes your posts easier to read, lol. But beautifully done on all characters, in my opinion. Bella was Bella this time!
     
  8. Steel

    Steel RRS CEO Staff Member

    Valk, your edited post (grammar aside) is AWESOME! I love the way that you captured everyone in this....down to the way Bella desires what she does. It was without prompt from either Dom or myself that you took it upon yourself to state all the things that Bella wants to do with these two. And then Brandon, standing in the corner, simply watching everyone, not saying anything and not moving.....it was perfect........again, grammar aside lol.

    That is what I like to see. Using the characters to develop who they are from what they are now.....loved it.
     
  9. Valkyrie

    Valkyrie Site Administrator

    Ty I took some more time even refered back to the character sheets. I will try to practice better punctuation though


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
  10. Steel

    Steel RRS CEO Staff Member

    One week has passed since the last post. I will be setting up a post and, if Ggyppt doesn't post, will be posting it up in another week.
     
  11. Dante Chaos

    Dante Chaos RRS CTO Staff Member

    It was my turn now was it. Meh cant think of anything atm. must reread the story a bit. if nothing is up by tonight just skip me......
     
  12. Steel

    Steel RRS CEO Staff Member

    Well, the week waiting period has passed, so we gotta move on. And if you need to re-read the story, I think it'd be better for you to get it on the next round. What do you think?
     
  13. Dante Chaos

    Dante Chaos RRS CTO Staff Member

    sound fine to me. sorry bout this :D.

    Its my 2nd day at work and they are starting already with the freaking emergencys...
     
  14. ggyppt

    ggyppt New Member

    I had something made up, but nobody reminded me it was my turn, the whole order thing is a little confusing for me to follow so i missed it with school and all, should i still post
     
  15. Steel

    Steel RRS CEO Staff Member

    Okay, the order is set up like this:

    Me, Domino, Valkyrie, Dante, Ggyppt.

    If a week is missed, then the next person in the rotation comes up. For example: if Ggyppt posts on the 1st, it is my turn to post next. But, if I don't post before the 8th, then it automatically skips me and goes to Domino. She then has 7 days to post before the next person in the rotation is up.


    As for you posting, I would save it for your next turn, just don't forget it please. I was going to post with something for your character, to bring her into the mix of things....but I wanted to wait until your next post to see what you were doing with her. So, my post is actually quite a bit shorter than it was supposed to be. So, the next time your turn comes up, you can post your idea, then I will post mine.

    However, we aren't going to be informing everyone when it is their turn. We all have a lot of things going on and don't exactly have time to check up on the boards every day. So, when it comes down to these projects, it is up to everyone else to keep track of the rotation and when their turn is up. Sorry, but we all need to be responsible for our own turns. I've gone through this with Valk and Dante, and I believe Domino as well. I know that I had to do it as well. So, it's just a matter of checking the site every once in a while and seeing what needs to be done....if anything.

    Also, have you tried introducing us to your friends or anything?

    Next in the rotation is Domino.
     
  16. ggyppt

    ggyppt New Member

    have tried a couple people but no one has come on. Also, this next post is important because it introduces Casey's foil. You'll see when i get to be able to post it.
     
  17. Steel

    Steel RRS CEO Staff Member

    Then it's a good thing that I didn't post up my idea, because that would have really screwed things up for all of us. Alright, it shouldn't be too long before you have a chance, and we'll see how things unfold for everyone. Also, I want to remind everyone that this isn't a role play, this is a story. Please feel free to branch out and control everyone else's characters as well. Just a reminder.
     
  18. Steel

    Steel RRS CEO Staff Member

    It has been over two weeks since I posted. PLEASE people, keep up with this or I'll just start writing the whole thing myself in my own time. Domino missed her chance, Valk missed his, it's now Dante's turn, and he has 4 days until it's Ggyppt's turn. I don't care if you don't post, just tell us that you don't know what to post and we'll keep going.
     
  19. Domino

    Domino CGO

    I'm very sorry you guys. I just kind of hit a writer's block so to speak. I had no idea what I wanted to write, and was supposed to sit down and think really hard about it, but I did not. I will do better next time.
     
  20. Steel

    Steel RRS CEO Staff Member

    I think that maybe my intention was misplaced. I wasn't angry or upset, just simply stating that things should be a bit more smooth. I understand if you have a lot of things going on, which we all do. So, that is why I said "If you can't post or can't think, just let us know." I have no issue posting twice in a row, if that is what needs to be done. So, initially what I'm saying is that I'm sorry for coming across the way I did. You all needn't worry about missing a turn, just let us know what's up.
     

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